*Dreams after my Mom died in 2002, Ashtray 2022, The Lottery 2022*

Dreams after my Mom died in 2002

October 6, 2016

I have another documented diary from 2002 that I would like to add.  It still has some dreams, but mostly it consist of feelings after my Mom died in 2002. I thought about another website, but it is really short, about 4 months or so.

October 28, 2002

I had two dreams before my Mom died. One dream, I was a child having a temper tantrum and jumping up and down with everything in me. I didn’t want my Mom to leave. Then the next night, there was a woman with brown hair and fizzy, red hair who was right in front of me and MAD. She could have been a woman from my past life.  I have been hoping my deceased Mom, who died on October 19, 2002  would appear in my dreams.  after she died, I was wondering if she was alright, and then one of my cousins had a dream of my Mom.  She said my Mom was standing over her bed as she slept and was wearing a white shirt. She told my cousin to tell me. “Tell (REAL NAME) I’m alright. I’ve also had dreams of desert, which I believe to be New Mexico and a dream of clay that I can mold. One of my dreams I awoke hugging myself, hugging my Mom.

October 29, 2002

Ashtray 2002

I told my therapist about my Mom dying and she comforted me. I went into detail the last 12 hours of my Mom’s life and she was almost in tears. One of my brothers wants me to come to his house on either, Thursday or Friday to go through my Mom’s items to give to charity.  I am not looking forward to it since It is too close to her death, October 19, 2002, but it needs to be done. He doesn’t know what to keep or toss. I pray he did not throw away that ashtray I made her in kindergarten. I also talked to a childhood friend about My Mom’s funeral and about her death.

October 6, 2016

Another segment of my diary of 2002

The Lottery 2002

October 29, 2002 (cont)

I can’t believe my Mom is dead! I wonder why she left (died) at this time. I know she is at peace and being loved.  I feel like she is SO far away from me and feel so ALONE!, the most alone, I have ever felt in my life. It feels strange and uncomfortable.  I also feel like she is watching over me. How else can I explain winning the lottery at Vegas Lounge. I thought I could use the money for a nice alphit to wear for her funeral, money towards a burial plot, or a Greyhound ticket.  The other night, as I was crying, I could have sworn, there was someone else crying as well. A day after my Mom died, in my thoughts I heard, “I’m happy and my name, “I’m happy and my name.”

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